Sketch: Rumours of an internal dog fight rock the parliament

A group of barking, whining and excitable rabblerousers descended on the Scottish Parliament once again for the annual Holyrood Dog of the Year competition. And some hounds even turned up for it as well.

It’s an event that politicians from across the parties take seriously. Very seriously. Spending the morning surrounded by furry friends might sound enjoyable, but in reality the atmosphere is tense. Thirteen MSPs were in the running, some with their own dogs, others with ones assigned to them by the Dogs Trust. No one wants to lose. But there can only be one winner – much like politics.

The competition is supposed to foster good relations between MSPs, to show the love of dogs transcends party politics. Last year it unfortunately got drowned out by political bickering. It’s not that the Good Boys were any less good or the snoots were in less need of booping, but that was the day then first minister Humza Yousaf was forced to perform a roll-over trick of his own.

So instead of gathering outside the parliament to watch MSPs persuade their mutts to behave, hacks were called to Bute House to hear Yousaf had accepted he was a bad boy and was moving himself to the doghouse. It stands to reason it was the Greens that brought him to heel. ‘The dog ate my Bute House Agreement’ wasn’t a strong enough excuse for them.

Back at this year’s event, the day was filled with no less drama. There may not have been any resignations, but there were rumours of an internal party scrap.

Jenni Minto suggested a group photo with her fellow SNP competitors. But her border collie Jim would have to be on one side, separated from David Torrance’s golden retriever Buster on the other. “They don’t get on,” she says. Jim and Buster were unavailable for comment.

Perhaps this is how John Swinney has managed to get some semblance of unity back into the party. He’s simply decided to keep those with the sharpest teeth separate. It’s working for now, but what happens when some of the bulldogs from Westminster take up residence here? The first minister will need a much tighter leash.

Christine Grahame offers a different solution. She has come armed with treats. “I’ve got a pocket full of them,” she shouts gleefully, loud enough for any nearby canine to hear. She clearly learned a thing or two when she was deputy presiding officer.

But is bribery allowed in politics? Well, the treat of higher political office is one thing a first minister always has. Play nice, give paw and roll over when he says. And to be fair, giving Kate Forbes the position of deputy has quieted dissent within the party. Though you are left wondering who was the master in that discussion. Has Forbes just got Swinney well-trained?

It’s a trick Meghan Gallacher should perhaps have learned. The Tory MSP is having some problems controlling her rescue dog, being pulled all over the parliamentary estate. The one-time Conservative leadership contender should probably be quite glad she was beaten to the job last year, as clearly handling rowdy and unpredictable creatures is not her strong suit.

But to be fair, the current leadership is also struggling to keep the pack together. Tory MSPs present at the competition did at least manage to show some unity by having a group photo with their dogs. Although Maurice Golden did have to be repeatedly called over to take part. Maybe he’d forgotten he’s a member of the blue team… Don’t read too much into it.

The slightly tense vibe did nothing to dint the Tories’ performance at the competition though, between them taking three of the four podiums. Craig Hoy’s black labrador Roma topped the polls in the pawblic vote. Lorna Slater’s cocker spaniel Nova took exception to this, barking and growling as Roma received her trophy. The Green MSP’s dog was no doubt complaining about the vote being first-past-the-post, a long-running barrier to her party’s success.

Jamie Halcro-Johnston’s temporary companion Buster clinched third place, while Tess White’s retriever Kura placed second. That came as a bit of a surprise to White, who had earlier been heard suggesting Kura would not win because SNP MSP (and owner of last year’s winner) Marie McNair was on the judging panel. But White was determined to give her pup the best chance, so she played the sympathy card. “They only tend to live until about eight,” she said. “Kura’s 11.” And indeed it worked. Upon announcing the first runner-up, the judge made reference to a win for the “old girls”. White was graceful enough to brush past the comment.

But there can only be one true winner. And while every dog may have its day, this day was only the day for one dog: Minto’s Jim. Maybe the lesson here is that in dog competitions, as in politics, you’ve got to be up for a bit of scrap.