Pure dead lazy
With the SNP Government desperately trying to ensure that Scotland becomes a fitter place, perhaps, Renfrewshire Council should think about repositioning the road sign indicating the direction of its local leisure centre…

Jumping ship
After another gubbing at the ballot box, maybe the real Charles Kennedy will be wishing that in fact the Evening News picture desk had got it right and he had been the Conservative candidate standing for the council seat of Bathgate in West Lothian. Although to be fair, this one failed to get elected regardless of the name….

It’s a stitch up
Poor Ken Livingstone got cast off in his bid to be the new Mayor of London. Maybe it was just his woolly thinking rather than a pattern of things to come but then Boris can always knit together a good yarn sprinkled with plain pearls of wisdom…

Political dog fight
Dangerous stuff this political campaigning marlarkey. First we heard of poor SNP candidate, Stewart McDonald, having his fingers snapped by an attack dog in Glasgow not happy with the leaflet pushed through his letterbox and then SNP’s Garry Knox campaigning in Livingston was rushed to A&E after an unfortunate confrontation of the canine kind. But in a man bites dog bite-back and in a reverse of the tail (see what we did there?) poor Lloyd, the guide dog of Derek Howie who was the SNP candidate in Liberton and Gilmerton, was rushed to the PDSA doggy hospital after falling ill because potential voters kept feeding him treats. Just to add insult to injury, all three potential councillors also failed to win their seats…

Trumped
Donald Trump’s appearance at the Parliament’s Economy, Energy and Tourism Committee could have a page all of its own. But perhaps one of the quirkier parts was convener Murdo Fraser’s appeal to billionaire Trump to see if he could possibly use some of his cash to buy the liquidation-threatened Rangers.

The tycoon said he might just think about it. Better hurry.

Last word on the matter (you wish) goes to Patrick Harvie, already in trouble for his, ahem, gesture politics – he posted this pic wondering whether one of the desserts being dished up in the canteen was inspired by The Trump’s appearance.

Football crazy
@jimmurphymp Great to have Hampden Olympic football tickets to see Spain v Japan; little less excited about getting tickets for Egypt v Belarus.

@tomgreatrexmp I might not let you in…(I am an Olympics volunteer at Hampden) @jimmurphymp As long as you let me out of Egypt v Belarus

Thin blue line
Tory MSP Jackson Carlaw has gained a bit of a reputation as a hard man after fighting off a yob in Glasgow who tried to steal his mobile phone.

He had been waiting to do a TV interview in George Square after the local council elections. He is not the first Tory to chase down an attacker – Alex Johnstone and his assistant Jim Millar chased off a knife-wielding thug in Edinburgh six years ago.

But Jackson has taken it all in his stride, only commenting: “It is not quite the Tory fightback in Glasgow I had in mind.”.

Tweets
For tweets direct from Holyrood magazine follow @HolyroodDaily

@ClaireBakerMSP
No @grazia at Waverley Station! @ FarmersWeekly it is then

@NicolaSturgeon
Thanks to @Channel4News team for helping one of the constituents at my surgery change her flat tyre!!

@DrewSm1th
Disappointed Southsider thought I was collecting his Betterware catalogue #labourdoorstep, but voting @ GlasgowLabour #GCCvote

@TomHarrisMP
Today is the 15th anniversary of the happiest day of my life… I mean, the 2nd happiest! My wedding day was my happiest – MY WEDDING DAY!

@CalumCashley
Just bought new toenail clippers marked “in-flight friendly”. Who cuts their toenails on a flight???

@HumzaYousaf
Called a rising star by leader of the opposition today – should I be flattered or kiss of death? #fmqs

@GeorgeAdam
Left home with that, “I’ve forgotten somthing” feeling? Now know what it is. My office keys! Just remembered as train arrived in Edinburgh.